notastripper
One day, I'd like to see a movie where the crazy baby-snatcher gets away with it. An interesting premise, marred by weak pacing and an astonishingly wooden performance from Ryan S. Williams.
darkavenger77
We have most of the ingredients for a Lifetime movie here: Lifetime Heroine™ (LH): Emily Lifetime Psycho™ (LP): Kelly Lifetime Good Guy (LGG): Peter, the LH's husband, who surprisingly has a beard. Lifetime BFF (LBFF): Susan, the LGG's co-worker and the LH's BFF, well at least until the LP works her magic.The premise is the LH is 8 months pregnant, having suffered a stillborn baby on her last pregnancy. A new neighbor is across the street, 3 guesses and the first 2 don't count! It is the LP, who amazingly happens to also be 8 months along. We learn early on that she is faking the pregnancy and ganks the older lady that had been living in the house and then assumes the role of her niece. Body count: 1. The LP gives the plot away fairly early by telling the older lady that the LH's baby is HERS!The LP uses typical LP moves such as the friendly suggestions, and drives a wedge between the LH and the LGG as well as the LBFF. LPs always have a top shelf supply of pharmaceuticals, so on the way to the baby shower she slips the LH a little something. The LP takes control of the baby shower and runs off the guests.Another formulaic point: The LBFF grows suspicious of the LP after the LP inserts herself into the LH's life. Odds are good she will be body count #2, or at least be hospitalized! The LP playbook usually requires her to take out the LGG. The LP works on that after the baby shower by stealing one of the LBFF's blouses and then once back at the LH's home hiding it under the LGG's pillow, which of course she steers the LH to. This results in a spat between the LH, the LGG, and the LBFF. The LH kicks out the LGG. One down, one to go! The LBFF sees the older lady's housekeeper and learns there is no niece! Most of us would call the Lifetime PD at this point, but the LBFF grabs a tire iron and breaks in. Prediction: She ain't gonna make it! We have the making for an epic chick fight, but instead what we get is minimal (with more stupidity from the LBFF, who still has her tire iron). It's always a treat to have a character tell the LP they are insane, and it happens here. In summary, the LP pulls, but the LBFF finally uses her tire iron to knock the gun out of her hand. The chick fight resumes with the gun between them and yet another trope takes place with the gun firing. Who has been shot? Of course it is not the LP! Body count: 2. The LP disposes of the LBFF's Jeep.The LGG tries to patch things up and is rebuffed. The LH sees the doctor and praises the help she is getting from the LP. She says the LP was a former patient and shows the doc her picture. Doc says that is someone else- the LP is using a fake name! The doc can't tell her anything, but the receptionist has the scoop! The LP had a hysterectomy! She began stalking pregnant patients! Most of us would call the Lifetime PD at this point, but the LH thinks it is just a mistake and goes to confront the LP. She then calls the LBFF and gets voicemail. The LP calls the LH and feeds her an obviously bogus story aboot falling down the stairs, eh? Most of us at that point would call 9-1-1 as the LH suggested, but instead she lets the LP talk her out of it. The LH shows up and is quickly drugged via syringe. Again, LPs have access to all sorts of drugs. I'm kind of rooting for the LP at this point since the LH is just too stupid to live. She wakes up in the room where the older lady was ganked. The LP confesses the plot and the LH finds the LBFF's body.Finally someone calls the Lifetime PD. The LGG aided by the LP file a police report that the LH is missing. The LP goes with Plan B and again drugs the LH, this time at gunpoint. "Washington" must have some really lax drug and gun laws, eh? Maybe Libertarians are running the place. It's off to the woods and the LP has a tarp and a shovel in her minivan. The LH comes to and knocks down the LP. Most of us at this point would grab the keys from the LP and escape in the minivan, but instead the LH staggers into the woods. The LP grabs her gun and is again knocked down by the LH via a convenient tree limb. The LH now decides to try the minivan, but the LP still has the keys- and her gun. "Looking for these?" asks the LP. Funny stuff. The LP tells the LH to dig her grave, and of course the LH uses the shovel to knock out the LP. Some of us at this point would secure the weapon and confirm the kill, but instead the LH grabs the LP's phone and calls 9-1-1. She omits all of the felony crimes and just says her water broke. At the sunny day ending, all is forgiven and the LH and LGG have a baby girl they name after the LBFF.Lifetime movie score (higher is stupider): 6/10 (had to bump it up one point due to the LH's late term stupidity, no pun intended). Real movie score (higher is better): 4/10.
