Carlos King
Seeing Jaws 3-D makes me wonder if I was too harsh on Jaws 2. I recently reviewed Jaws 2 and criticized its sloppy and poor storytelling and pacing, but nonetheless thought it had moments of good film-making, especially in its action set-pieces - so you had a decent, albeit not exceptional movie. Well, the third Jaws movie makes Jaws 2 look like Jaws. Jaws 3-D is a movie that, to my astonishment, makes me feel nothing. Well almost nothing. The only emotion that stirred inside me during its entire one hour and forty minutes... was embarrassment for this "amateur hour." I was mildly interested in seeing the movie because it seemed to be the last Jaws movie with the crew of the previous movies working on it. Longtime Spielberg production designer Joe Alves directed, as he was a second unit director on the previous movies and played a part in getting them to look good. Jaws 3-D was also the last Jaws screenplay penned by Carl Gottlieb. Gottlieb, who contributed to the screenplay of Jaws and largely wrote Jaws 2, had shown some competency in staging suspenseful scenes and allowing moments for characters to breathe and develop. I am not sure if they were under strain from studio executives, but it is clear watching Jaws 3-D why Alves never directed again, and why Gottlieb's writing career more or less fizzled out after this movie. Characters, such as the two Brody sons, have little character and less to do. There's no meaningful exchanges between the brothers or other Sea World workers, or the park owner (an enjoyably slimy performance by Lou Gosset), or the Australian... hunter? photographer? Even Jaws 2 managed to have moments where people acted (even if that was rare). Here everyone goes through the motions. Dennis Quaid gets his paycheck. Sean Brody, played indistinctly by John Putch, has a... uh, character arc where he's afraid of the water, but gets over it because a hot chick offers to bang him by the beach. I guess that's character development. But he leaves the movie two-thirds of the way through, severing one more connection with the series' cast and history that we have grown attached to. Now, I am always for movies, especially genre/franchise flicks bucking convention and cleverly moving past their forebears, but without good writing or characters, all those efforts are worthless. Jaws 2 didn't have a particularly strong script, so it leaned on the setting of Amity Island, and some familiar faces to make up the deficit. Jaws 3-D thought it could lean on the setting of Sea World and the presence of other sea creatures like dolphins, orca, and the like. The outcome is a total dud, and cynical misjudge of what will keep the audience engaged. The setting is totally wasted - see Deep Blue Sea to see a film that at least tries to take advantage of its location in an underwater observatory. Making an amusement park the site of widespread bloodshed and chaos has immediate potential (see: Jurassic Park), but Universal did not seem to want to spend the money fleshing the premise out, so what is left is a real cheap production: extending from the sets all the way to the marquis attraction - the shark itself.The shark has never looked so bad. Jaws 2 showed off a shark that was in some ways superior to the original, and the resultant construction allowed for some inventive and fun action scenes from the director and crew. In Jaws 3-D the shark was stiff, mostly motionless, and seemed to have consisted of a single model that was capable of opening its mouth and wiggling a little bit. The action scenes were mundane and executed in a dull manner and lacked the dynamic camera movements and smart cuts of the previous movie. Instead, we have "fin chases something in the water" scenes, mixed with some laughable "shark-torpedo" moments where the shark slowly inches towards something to attack. The film's other effects are likewise poor. The optical shots and overlays were so so shoddy that you wonder how anyone signed off on them, other than slimy producers looking for a quick buck. They say that while making Jaws Spielberg called the SFX crew the "special defects department." He had no clue how good he had it. Here's a rule for creature movies. If you can't show the monster all the time, at least have a good writing/actors. If you can't have good writing/characters, than at least keep the thing short and moving so my time isn't wasted. Jaws 3-D wastes your time and feels longer than its 1hr40min length because it lacks a good monster, good performances or writing, and has a terminally slow pace riddled with filler. Jaws 2 had me pining for more shark scenes. When compared to Jaws 3-D, Jaws 2 feels like non-stop shark tail slapping you in your groin. The movie tries to pull of some cheap jump-scares and gross-outs, but the make-up and special effects are c-movie grade and incredibly silly. Worse still, they are spread out so far and few that they are less like exclamation points than they are a dull rapping on the TV screen to make sure you are still awake. Is there anything positive about Jaws 3-D? Surprisingly, yes! The music, composed by Alan Parker is fun, adventurous, and well-suited to the action. While leaning on the score of John Williams, it nonetheless manages to achieve its own sound and feels fresh and enjoyable. Mr. Parker deserves a commendation for doing the best he could with a bad source. It's a shame he seemed to retreat largely into made-for-TV movies after this, never getting a huge Hollywood movie to sink his teeth into again.In summation: this movie definitely feels like the death-knell for this "franchise." There wasn't even enough happening to offer a "so bad it's good" experience! Despite having a few of the original hands working on it, the movie demonstrated that they lacked the skill, the time, or the artistic freedom to bring about something worthwhile. I'll give it to the crew of Jaws 2: they tried to make a good movie, they just didn't really succeed. The makers of Jaws 3-D didn't even try!
Timber Toast
If you can handle this concept, this film may just turn out to be a fun, little rainy afternoon popcorn flick. I mean, it's filmed in 3-D for starters. If you're going to sit there and critique the cheesy effects and expect them to be on par with the original Jaws, then prepare yourself to be drastically let down. It's flawed, but a fun film. Better than Jaws 4 in my opinion.
