NekoHomey Purely Joyful Movie!

Micah Lloyd Excellent characters with emotional depth. My wife, daughter and granddaughter all enjoyed it...and me, too! Very good movie! You won't be disappointed.

Winifred The movie is made so realistic it has a lot of that WoW feeling at the right moments and never tooo over the top. the suspense is done so well and the emotion is felt. Very well put together with the music and all.

Francene Odetta It's simply great fun, a winsome film and an occasionally over-the-top luxury fantasy that never flags.

Coventry I think we have another winner… The plot of "Elves" definitely has earned a spot in top 10 most bonkers and randomly senseless plots ever penned down for a horror movie! It's a Christmas movie, and for once it doesn't revolve about an escaped lunatic killer in a Santa Clause suit! Instead, writer/director Jeffrey Mandel (who?) cooked up a Christmas goulash with bizarre ingredients like evil Nazi doctors, sickening incest confessions, shopping mall Santa heroes, gratuitous kitty-cat killings and a hideous two-foot tall Elf creature! That's right by the way; the film is called "Elves" (plural) even though there's only one elf (singular) on display. Are you ready for the plot summary? I bet you aren't… Close to Christmas, 17-year-old Kirsten and her two bimbo friends unwittingly summon a demonic little Elf-creature in the woods. Little do they know that Kirsten's now crippled grandfather once was a Nazi scientist who designed the plans for the creation of a superior master race. The elf creature has to breed with the virgin Kirsten (whose grandfather is, in fact, also her father) on Christmas Eve. Kirsten works in a department store where the homeless and chain- smoking replacement Santa Clause is the only one who can rescue her from the claws of the retarded Nazi-elf! "Elves" is terrible and inept, but simultaneously hilarious and easily one of the most entertaining "so-bad-it's-good" movies I've seen in a long time. Each and every single character in this film is deranged, like the loathsome mother who hates her own daughter so much that she drowns her beloved cat in the toilet (though, eventually, it does turn out she has a very good reason to hate her) or Grandpa's demented Nazi accomplices. Even though the tone of the film is nonsensical and fairly light-headed, there are a couple of vile and misplaced gory sequences, like the slaughter of Kirsten's two idiot friends. The acting performances from the entire cast are atrocious, but main star Dan Haggerty is the worst of all. He speaks in the same tone of voice throughout the entire film, whether he's calm or excited, and he looks as if he's sorely missing the times he was a successful actor playing a hermit living amidst the grizzly bears. His character also has some of the dumbest lines in cinematic history, like for example when he's beating up one of the Nazis and asks him – in between two smashes – how many teeth he has left.

Shaza123 Yes, yes, I know how you're feeling. I shuddered too, when I heard that 'oh so famous' line from this 1989 trash epic. Elves. That's what we're dealing with. Our evil and vicious antagonists are Elves! Not 'Critters', with their awesomely large grins, not 'Trolls' with their unique special effects, not even 'Gremlins' and they look like cuddly little munchkins half the time. No, no, we're dealing with something much more sinister and evil. Santa's little helpers...So what's it all about then? Well, it centers around a teen called Kirsten. She's not a fan of Christmas. She hates it so much, she and her girlfriends decide to do some anti Christmas ritual at the beginning of the film. In doing so, Kirsten hurts her hand and starts bleeding all over the place. This is important, apparently her blood has the ability to awaken the Elf. Not 'Elves' by the way, there is no plural here. There is only one Elf, the title of this movie is a lie. But I'd still much rather watch Elves, then the Will Ferrell comedy.Anyway, our second major protagonist, is good old Santa himself, played by Grizzly Adams. And his beard is only more awesome. It's impossible not to admire his beard. Damn, he could give MacReady a run for his money. I don't know what it is about guys who have beards, but they just seem more manly! More guys should wear more beards.Pardon me I got side tracked, Haggerty plays an ex cop, turned Santa, who plays the father figure, the protector of our dear little Kirsten. And with such an epic beard like that, we know this is someone who is tough. Someone who is manly, someone who might be able to face the evil Elves... oh, I mean Elf. Okay, so there is much more to the plot, but I'm gonna zip my lips. The whole fun of Elves, is discovering the drama and shenanigans all on your own. What I can tell you, is things get crazy quickly. Still haven't convinced you to watch this movie yet? Well, lets see if I can change that. For a movie that's meant to be rated PG13, it has full frontal nudity, harsh language, crotch stabbings, attempted elf rape, and a horny Santa Claus. All that said, this is some low budget B grade stuff. The acting is woeful (apart from Haggerty's), the plot makes no sense (because it doesn't), and the Elf is ridiculous. His mouth is forever open, you can almost picture it drooling. This is one of those, 'so bad, it's wonderful' movies. Highly recommended for some high quality entertainment.

Comeuppance Reviews Kirsten (Austin), and her friends Brooke (Lichstein) and Amy (Dye) are group of young gals interested in the occult. They call themselves "Masters Without Slaves" and go to the woods at night for seances and things like that. And no wonder, as Kirsten's family is quite the creepy lot, and her younger brother Willy (Graham) is a perverted little brat that likes to dress up like Donatello from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and peep on her in the shower. As is wont to happen, the group of girls accidentally unleash a malevolent Nazi elf into the town at large. As part of a breeding experiment, the Nazis did various experiments using not guns, not bombs, not planes to take down their enemies, but elves.Meanwhile, unemployed ex-police detective Mike McGavin (Haggerty), who is so down on his luck, he's evicted from his trailer, reluctantly accepts a job as a department store Santa Claus on Christmas Eve. But those mischievous girls are camping out in the department store that night waiting for some boys to appear. But there's another unwanted guest - here's a hint: it's a three-letter word, and it's not "imp"! But to destroy this nasty elf, McGavin will have to unravel a complex web of history, deceits and lies from Nazi elf experts. Will he and Kirsten live to see another Christmas? Ah, Elves. Such fond memories. This is one of the first (if not the first) AIP's we'd ever seen. Needless to say, we were hooked. The plot of the movie is just so endearingly bonkers, you can't help but love it. Anyone who would release this gem into the world should really receive our thanks. It's packed with nutty ideas, hilarious dialogue, enjoyable fun, and a Nazi elf. Yes, just one elf. The title is a bit misleading. But we, as the audience, are treated to "elf vision" as he's walking around, so we can see the world through the eyes of this lonely, but murderous, elf.National hero Dan Haggerty is at his absolute best here. He continues his tradition of great sweaters, and, somehow, his beard actually matches his sweater selections. And his pinky ring. But who else could bellow "Tell me the connection between the Nazis and the elves!!!" with a complete straight face and utter conviction like Mr. Haggerty. We salute you, sir. Pretty female lead Julie Austin has quite a career under her belt, having also appeared in Night of the Wilding (1990), Twisted Justice (1990) and Extreme Justice (1993).Taking some of its cues from Dawn of the Dead (1978), but others from God-knows-where, Elves is a strong contender for best Christmas-themed horror/unintentional (?) comedy ever. This extremely enjoyable and fun outing shot in Colorado in the golden year of 1989 should be in your collection. "Dan" we now our gay apparel and watch Elves tonight, even if it's not Christmas.For more action insanity, please visit: comeuppancereviews.com

Lukeydude-1 My title might just be a little misleading. Dan Haggerty is in the film, but he doesn't so much deliver as he does seem lost and alone in a fairly awful movie. To begin, I'll point out what you've probably learned from every other "Elves" review available: There is only one Elf. Surely, you knew that already, but it simply can't be stressed enough. The fact that the movie's name itself is a lie doesn't bode well for this Christmas caper. The plot of "Elves" is simple enough: Nazi scientists create a Elf-like super solider capable of dominating the world, though the race can only succeed if our young heroine, Kirsten, is devirginized by one of them. I mean, honestly, this is movie gold, people. Throw Grizzly Adams in the mix and you've got a film as unstoppable as the Elves themselves. I found out myself that such an assumption is false beyond reckoning. To be sure, a story such as "Elves" is almost impossible to film without being considered a pitiful joke, but the producers should have simply avoided the project rather than drive Dan Haggerty's career even further into Hell. Much of the acting is borderline poor, though Haggerty's presence, as ex-cop Mike Mcgavin, does do something to retrieve the film's crumbling dignity. Fortunately for the cast of humans, the real star of the film, and therefore the most laughable aspect of the movie, is the Elf. At some point during the creation of the Elves, a Nazi scientist took it upon himself to make the beasts completely and totally useless as fighting machines. It's hard to imagine an Elf even being able to feed himself, and the only way they could succeed is if their victims were either infants, seniors, or suicidal vegetables. Well, them or anyone appearing in this movie. You see, the "Elves" cast seems to be uniquely bred for the sole purpose of not being able to defend themselves. An Elf is scarcely two feet tall, unarmed, and almost completely blind. He isn't any faster than the average double-amputee, and has nothing approaching magical powers. It just amazes me that anyone could be killed, even bothered by an Elf. But that's an appropriate microcosm for this film: If it doesn't really make sense, it doesn't matter, because we're "Elves" and we don't care. Perhaps the saddest result of "Elves" was the incalculable damage done to Dan Haggerty and his career. He had warmed our hearts as "Grizzly Adams," and done some, well, mediocre work in "Repo Jake." I'm not arguing that he's a talented actor. But his big, graying beard and calm, sedated demeanor don't deserve to be exploited in alley trash like "Elves." Oh, Dan, will you ever recover? Despite everything this movie has going against it, I had a great time watching it and have made it a habit to view it every couple of weeks. I know that seems confusing, but you have to realize that quality is hardly a prerequisite for enjoyment. I just finished writing another comment for the film "Jack-O," and an underlying theme in these two reviews is that a movie like this will be enjoyed by people like me: those who revel in garbage horror that really seems sincere. I love the genre, and I'd like to think there's others out there with the same agenda. Check out "Elves." It's a Christmas treat all year round.