Bardlerx
Strictly average movie
Portia Hilton
Blistering performances.
Hattie
I didn’t really have many expectations going into the movie (good or bad), but I actually really enjoyed it. I really liked the characters and the banter between them.
Billy Ollie
Through painfully honest and emotional moments, the movie becomes irresistibly relatable
Dr. Gore
*SPOILER ALERT* *SPOILER ALERT*I bought this video for two bucks. I've been looking for this one for awhile. All I knew about "Blonde Heaven" is that it had Julie Strain and Michelle Bauer working at an escort agency. That's all I needed to know. I ran into this one by accident because the title on the video box is "Morgana". The filmmakers probably realized that neither Strain nor Bauer are blonde and changing the title to "Brunette Heaven" just didn't have a good ring to it."Blonde Heaven" has Strain working as the madam for a vampire modeling agency in L.A. Right off the bat, I'm intrigued by this film. Strain gets naked numerous times and wears her mighty black jack boots. Oh mama. That's the good stuff. Strain is looking mighty fine in this one. Bauer shows up as a vampire hooker and has a long sex scene with the president of her fan club. Bauer always treats the fans right.Besides Strain and Bauer doing their thing, "Blonde Heaven" is pretty lame. The main character is your typical naive Midwestern girl who comes to Hollywood and gets seduced by Strain and friends. Hey, can you blame her? Her big lunkheaded boyfriend comes a-calling and decides to rip off his shirt in order to free her from the vampires. Strain should've offered him a job to calm him down. Hunks-R-us or something. Strain decides to strike back and many lame fight scenes follow.If you're a die hard Strain and/or Bauer fan, "Blonde Heaven" is worth a look. If those two B-queens don't do it for you, skip it.
jjw8
David DeCoteau isn't known as one of the great B-movie directors but he sunk beneath his own lowest levels with this one. In addition to what everyone has said, may I add that one scene of Julie Strain undressing was done in extreme long shot whereas every time one of the guys was nude, his butt was shoved in our faces. What up with that!? However it was nice to see, as Joe Bob Briggs might say, some gratuitous naked Michelle Bauer for old times sake. If this is the new Full Moon Pictures I say bring back Phil Fondacaro and the Puppet Master.
bdklpn
this movie has typical b movie acting and actors,but it has some upbeat music, beautiful buff girls and guys, and convincing simulated sex scenes. if you want to watch a movie just for pure sexual gratification, this is it.
Smooth B
I thought this would be a good movie, but it ended up sucking at the end (literally!) Julie Strain has sex with a guy through the opening credits....it was quite entertaining watching them go through so many positions in so little time. The plot is wafer thin and full of old, tired concepts. The country hick girl comes to L.A. to be an actress (don't they all?). Unfortunately, her boyfriend tags along unknowingly (that's until he finds her and they have sex, go fig). "Blonde Heaven" is the code name for an escort service that's really a coven of bloodsucking vampires. (See "TFTC: Bordello of Blood") Julie Strain is the head vamp/madam, and hires the country girl to be one of her "girls". If you notice, whenever you see someone in "Blonde Heaven" they're wearing black clothes and black shades...I guess they do that in order to recognize them as the "bad guys". The ending is also pretty generic as well....I won't ruin it for the 5 of you that want to wait for the ending. The acting is bad, the sex scenes are horrible, and the music is downright awful....but then again, Julie Strain is in it. Julie's presence in this flick (along with my all-time fave B-movie actress Monique Parent), and Julie's sex scene in the opening credits keep this movie from receiving an F, but just barely. I give it a D+; see it at your own risk.