Karlee
The joyful confection is coated in a sparkly gloss, bright enough to gleam from the darkest, most cynical corners.
HaemovoreRex
Okaaaaay......where to begin with this one.....Well as far as I could decipher, the 'plot' involved the various protagonists' attempts to acquire a 'Top Technical Secret Film' (as it is repeatedly referred to)Amongst those wishing to get their hands on the film include a group of KGB hired Ninja, Tommy - a fitness fanatic CIA operative, two gormless cops (one of them endearingly named Fatso!) and at least two separate gangs. Added to this there's some poor bloke who was initially delivering the film (I think) who is repeatedly attacked for no discernible reason throughout the film with axes, machetes and sticks! (and on at least one occasion is even shot at to!) Things get more complex with at least two of the cast members from the 'original' film being hired by Godfrey Ho to also appear in the newer, ninja themed segments. Sounds like a good idea right? Well, the problem is that one of the two (one of the cops who is also, we're led to believe, a friend of Tommy's) has put on at least a good couple of stones in weight in between the filming of the two obviously very separate films. The other bloke in addition has a completely different hair style! Obviously continuity isn't a word in Ho's dictionary.Anyway, to cut a long story short, there's sex, there's numerous fights, there's bad dubbing/voice over work and some atrocious acting aplenty! - Cool stuff then!!! (and I couldn't follow one iota of it!!!)The best bits are undoubtedly the ninja sequences though. Tommy first encounters these stealth assassins in a park whilst having an intensive workout. They subsequently beat the living crap out of him! Luckily however, his mate the cop turns up at a fortuitous and opportune moment and frightens the ninja assailants off with a gun. He then offers Tommy some sagacious advice to combat these 'Bloody wizards' as Tommy refers to them.......he recommends that Tommy should go and find a Ninja master to teach him the arts of ninjitsu. (Do they advertise in the Yellow Pages these days then?)Tommy takes his friends advice and finds an old Japanese Master who initially refuses to teach Tommy the ancient arts but does agree to give him a book on the subject. And what a good read it must have been for within about a day or so Tommy is a fully fledged ass kicking ninja! Whoa! I'm going onto Amazon to see if they stock a copy of this particular publication!Things come to a climax at what appears to be a dockyards storage facility with Tommy squaring off against the head evil Ninja (who is in possession of the film) and his cronies. After taking care of the lackeys Tommy undergoes a final miraculous transformation into a red ninja! A final sword fight then ensues between Tommy and his nemesis with a predictable outcome. With the evil ninja vanquished Tommy relieves him of the film and pulls a mightily smug look before departing to the airport, his mission now accomplished.What can I say? - This is absolutely unintelligible and bewildering stuff from beginning to end and is all the more fun for it! Truly a demented classic! (Just make sure to have a psychiatrist on standby after you've watched it!)
