The Soviet Union in the 1970s has entered a very delicate society. Although the KGB surveillance is everywhere, the all-round loosening is true. Young people can wear Cuban leaders like European and American youths and talk about Western philosophy and drama. At the wedding banquet, the newlyweds were instigated to kiss, and Shakespeare's books were borrowed from the army library. Even the captain saw their emotions clearly in the army and regarded them as invisible... "Unbroken" same-sex emotions provide potential opportunities.
When the two were washing the film alone, the officer had a good impression of Sergey, especially when he heard him say, "When you take a photo, something disappears forever, a moment that never reappears." At that moment, it can be said that It is: "heartbeat".
He said "Call me Roman". He held Sergey, who was a little drunk, with his eyes facing each other, and wanted to hug him, but it was obviously too early at this time. So he began to test Sergey repeatedly: Hearing Sergey's story with his playmates of the same year in the car, and hearing them sign "Valentine" on each other's letters, there was a moment of astonishment, and then he relaxed again; on the lawn Asked him "Do you have a girlfriend?", when the other party answered "No", he seemed to have a little confidence in his heart. Until evading the inspection of the border police, he looked at him hopefully. He couldn't help but approached and his lips touched. Sergey was surprised at first, but within a few seconds he began to accept and respond, clasping his hands, welcoming a heavy Baltic rain. ——What Roman didn't know was that Sergey had been tempted by himself since receiving the roll of film he gave him: sneaking at the new young and handsome superior in the car, listening to him being humble but not Responding humbly to the doubts of his colleagues, I also saw him inadvertently glimpse his eyes; when developing the film, he watched his hand gently held by the other party while listening to him talking like an electric current in his ear. But he still wanted to escape-the risk of doing so was too great, even if he had clearly seen the same temperament and taste in the eyes of the other person looking at him.
However, in addition to the KGB, this kind of hard-to-maintain emotion encountered a more universal and softer test in the later period: from wives, family, and inner conflicts, and so on.
After marriage, many of Roman's behaviors in contemporary China or any other society will be labelled as “scumbags”. He can face Sergey's approach on the wedding night and still can't stop his lips. It can last for four years. Later, I told my wife to go to Moscow for further study, but I just wanted to see Sergey. You can give the other party a train ticket and say "I have a week's holiday". The implication is to invite the other party to have a affair with yourself, and you can desperately spend Christmas with three people. Observing words and colors and not letting his wife see the truth...Everything is too familiar, it seems that all married gays will do. So in the end, he couldn't accept that he was constantly seeking balance and thoroughness between Louisa and Sergey. He went to the battlefield in Afghanistan. The direct reason was that Sergey left and said "Don't come to me again", but the root cause is still there. It lies in the regret accumulated deep in my heart for many years: "I am afraid to hurt the person I love, I am afraid to split myself again, and belong to everyone at the same time."
The same applies to Sergey, perhaps many behaviors will be dubbed "male junior": he can say Diderot's lines in the theater: "Deceive yourself and deceive others at the same time, this kind of living in deception People in this country will slowly disrespect anyone or anything", and can't help but run to meet Roman on the train, and go to Sochi to have an affair. When Louisa came to Moscow, he could resent Roman for treating herself as an ordinary actor or even drive herself away, while buying a Christmas tree and returning to the home that did not belong to him, pretending to be just a guest. His only brilliance compared to Roman may be that he never married, never hurt another woman, but died alone.
Both of them are too contradictory, and they are both not simple enough. From the perspective of an outsider, this kind of decisive and constant emotional processing makes me dislike it, but do they have other choices? Perhaps from a moral point of view, it is very simple to clarify these relationships, but from an emotional point of view, all thoughts and love must be severely cut off, and non-parties should not be easy to be beaked. After all, when Sergey chose to meet on the train after hesitating, looking at each other, the two people looked at each other with joy. There was nothing to explain except "love".
